Social anxiety is not uncommon. In a world that is designed for extroverts, people who feel more comfortable being alone or in small settings may find the holidays overwhelming.
There are so many wonderful things about this time of year, but sometimes the endless parade of dinners, parties, gatherings and celebrations can bring fear and distress.
Here are some tips on how to approach dreaded social settings (and maybe even enjoy them?)
Make a Plan
If you are afraid of being in a social setting, the idea that there is no end time and a lack of structure may create more panic. Before going to a social gathering, decide how long you will stay. Alert the host ahead of time if you are planning on leaving early. If you begin to panic, check your watch and ask yourself to hold on for ten to fifteen more minutes. It is possible that by dividing the time into smaller chunks, the event may not be as overwhelming than if you are attempting to count down two hours.
Recognize that you are not Psychic
Your social anxiety may be compounded by your interpretation of the social situations happening around you. Don’t over analyze the social interactions happening around you. As you participate in conversation, eat dinner, play games and interact with others, be mindful of your thoughts and make sure you are not playing the role of mind-reader. That person across the room who gave you a weird look might be experiencing a case of indigestion and have no ill-will towards you.
Go Tubing
Have you ever been on a lazy river? It’s one of the best entertainment concepts known to man: you just climb onto a tube and float down a slow-moving river. I am not suggesting you need to literally go tubing (though that might help), but mentally allow your mind to ride out anxiety that you do have. It may sound counter-intuitive, but if you do begin to feel anxious, don’t fight the anxiety. Instead, let the anxiety ride itself out. Anxiety happens: observe that you are anxious, but it doesn’t equate to the world being out of control. The river of anxiety will come to an end.
Check on Others
If you find that you are starting to feel a bit lost, take your mind and your eyes off of yourself and scan the room for others who may be sitting alone or looking a bit out of sorts. Chances are you are not the only one in the room who may be feeling out of place. If being in individual conversations make you feel less nervous, work to find someone sitting alone who may be able to chat one on one. If making conversation is intimidating, a good rule of thumb is to simply ask questions. People love to talk about themselves.
Keep the Power
It may help to remember that you are not a prisoner being held against your will (at least I hope not). At any time, you are free to leave. Sometimes just the reminder that you are not in a social torture box might help you breathe a bit easier. Drive yourself to the party or go with a friend or family member who understands your social anxieties. Give yourself credit for attending and be gracious to yourself if you need to duck out sooner than you expected. The more positive experiences you have, the more likely your confidence will grow.
When you physically leave the party, mentally and emotionally leave as well. I know that often my first instinct when I get in my car is to analyze every conversation and behavior and give myself a social score on how I did. Leave the score card behind- head home and take a much needed break- party for one?