As many of you are aware, my husband, Tim, underwent brain surgery in mid-April.  

I am embarrassed to admit that I didn’t fully comprehend what it would mean, despite that this was Tim’s third surgery, granted the last one was over ten years ago.  It took me by surprise at how overwhelmed I became shortly after Tim returned home, and life attempted to transition back to “normal.” To say the least, I was struggling to keep up.

In the midst of Tim’s surgery, our basement flooded, destroying the carpet, and leaving me with a mess.   I work full time, Carter was in school, we have a puppy, and I will openly admit that I am not the housemaker in our home.  Tim is an extraordinary cook and housekeeper (wish I could say the same for me). And then I had to figure out the financial pieces of our lives, and financing the surgery, and sorting out how to cover costs.  As I worked to address all of our various needs, I quickly discovered I was not capable.

There is a story in the Bible, in John 6:1-15, where over five thousand people followed Jesus out into the wilderness: they have seen His power and they were desperate for help, each with a pressing need.  It became evening, and it was essential that the people be fed. As the disciples sat on a mountainside overlooking the sight, Jesus turned to Phillip (one of his disciples) and asked him, “Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?” (John 6:5).

Phillip responded in much the same way I would respond: Phillip immediately began calculating the cost of such an expensive meal: and it was obvious there was not enough money or supplies to feed such a crowd.  The Bible says that Jesus didn’t ask Phillip because He needed guidance. He was asking Phillip to give Phillip a chance to examine his thoughts and heart.

As I read that story, I related.  The pressing needs around me were like the thousands of people following Jesus, all needing to be fed.  Each of my concerns were valid; and each task that needed to be done was important. And just as Phillip did the math and it didn’t work, I could see that my resources were not going to be enough to meet our needs.  

What was I to do?

1. Talk to God

It isn’t in my nature to talk to God first.  I appreciate Phillip’s approach: I jump into writing out the figures, researching the options, and chatting with the experts.  I am always eager to solve the problem and I want a resolution quickly.

The hiccup with that approach is that sometimes the answer you need really is impossible.  There are times when our needs can’t be met by our own hard work and power. As I analyzed my situation, it became glaringly obvious that I was understaffed in my house to meet the needs; and I was under qualified to do it all.  My anxiety levels were spiking because those were the facts.

I know I could have saved myself a lot of sleepless nights if I had turned and looked at Jesus and asked Him for guidance.  Imagine if Phillip had turned the question back to Jesus? And not just a stoic prayer, but a real conversation about how tough life gets and if I had laid out my list and my worries and fears.

2. Talk to Yourself

Stop and listen to the thoughts running around in your mind and discuss with yourself the steps that you need to take.  Be intentional about what your needs are and what your limits are. God rested on the Sabbath day: God modeled the need for rest.  I would encourage you to look at your schedule, examine the needs pressing in on you, and find the gaps.

Clarify what is truly a need versus a desire.  I had to let go of the idea that my house would be pretty, that my puppy would advance in obedience classes, and that I could take extra hours at work.  Make sure that your needs truly are your needs.

3. Talk to Others

Talk to other people about what is happening in your life.  In our culture, asking for help feels akin to admitting defeat.  On the contrary, it is important to realize how much God wants us to rely on each other.  God wants us to share our weak areas, to be vulnerable, and allow others to be the hero.

It did not feel good to admit to the greater community that Tim did all the cooking in our home, and therefore a large gap to fill was meals.  Once I did finally open up to a friend about my lack of culinary skills, people brought wonderful meals, and we literally were fed by their generosity.  

Allow people to serve you- and be honest about your needs.  I have a good friend, Sarita, who taught me more about this than anyone else in my life.  When she would offer to help me and I would stubbornly refuse, she would retort “Jenita, don’t steal my blessing!”  Don’t steal peoples’ opportunity to bless you. Let them delight in caring for you.

Jesus did feed the thousands of people that had followed Him into the wilderness: if you haven’t read the account, I encourage you to do so.  He took what a small boy offered him, five loaves of bread and two fish, and made a meal fit for thousands.

 Life in this world is not easy or comfortable.  It is doable and frankly miraculous when you lean in on Him and His people.  I continue to learn each day how very needy I am.

Thank you for your prayers!