The lie:
“The people I love would be better off without me.”
Have you ever thought that before?
I have, and I have believed it with all my heart. In 2001, I attempted suicide, with that one thought driving me. It was that one lie that created a twisted, dark spiral that resulted in me acting on what had started as just ideation.
I have heard people say how selfish suicide is, which seems logical to anyone who hasn’t been suicidal. In the dark and cruel world of depression, emotional pain taints logic, and leads to a misconception about what true love is.
If you are facing off with this lie, and it is a lie; I want to assure you I understand. But the idea that the world would be better off without you and that you are too much of a burden, it simplyisn’t true.
Let me give you a few reasons why:
1. You are not your depression.
Your loved ones may struggle with your depression, but you are not your depression. When I was in the darkest part of my journey, I couldn’t recall who I was anymore. At the time, my husband sought the advice of a professor at our alma mater who was a therapist. He advised my husband to move me close to people who had known me before the depression- people who could help me remember who I really was.
Rediscover who you are. You are not the face of depression. You are worth rescuing.
2. You are not without a future.
My depression felt like a dark well I had fallen down into, breaking both of my arms as I fell. In the darkness, I felt cold, alone, and helpless. I couldn’t climb out, and I didn’t see how I would ever escape.
If you don’t hold hope that you will find relief, suicide makes perfect sense. The truth is, even if it takes time, you aren’t trapped for the rest of your life. It will take help from others. I know it might feel hopeless. You will need to let others lower themselves down into your darkness, help hoist you, and work to carry you to the surface. Keep in mind it takes more than just one person so allow multiple people to help. Let them continually remind you that there is hope.
3. You are not alone.
I will be totally honest with you: if not for my beliefs in something bigger than me, I would not be here to write this blog.
My encouragement to you is all parts of you need to be nourished: your mind, your emotions, your body, and your spirit. If you believe in a kind and loving God, there is power in Him that can literally save your life.
Let me explain: the people in our lives who love us will make mistakes as they help. They will have moments of weakness, they will get tired at times, and say things that will seem contrary to their love for us. In those moments, this lie will creep back with what now appears to be proof.
In John 14:16-17, Jesus describes the role of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is called a “counselor,” a Greek word that also means “comforter.” Imagine the power of having the Holy Spirit, a counselor, in the dark well with you. The one person who never grows tired, never judges your weaknesses, and never stops loving you with all His heart.
My depression had a powerful hold on me until I began to comprehend the depth of God’s incredible, illogical love for me. When His love became my reality, the concept that I do not matter lost all its power. God says that He is close to the brokenhearted which means He is close to me!
I am praying for each person who reads this blog. The climb out of the well will be slow. It requires help, lots of help. It will take time. It will take work.
You can bet this lie will resurface and present it itself as truth, with memories of past mistakes and evidence of present failures. This lie will sound true.
But I encourage you to remember; you are not your depression, you are not without a future, and you are most certainly not alone.
If you need support and help, please reach out to others to get the help you need: loved ones, friends, your church, a Christian counselor- me! Don’t go any further without multiple people around you.