5 Tips to Connect You With Your Teen

I admit that I think I was more nervous than he was!

But getting the intel on how the first day went was no easy task, and it was testimony to the fact that current teenagers (especially boys) can be as hard to crack as the safe for the Russian crown jewels.

I can’t guarantee success, but here are some tips on how to make it more possible to connect with your high school student:

1. Avoid the Interrogation

I am as guilty of this as any wondering mom. The minute my son gets in the car, I want to analyze his day’s experience like a forensic scientist. But make sure you keep in check the amount of questions you are asking: being pushed into a corner will only make your teen run.

2. Choose the Right Time and Place

Teens often run from intense conversations, especially if they involve emotions.  Some of the best talks will likely happen when you are involved in an activity that is quiet and does not require eye contact: like driving in the car, putting together a puzzle, or cooking in the kitchen.

Choose a time when you can be mentally and emotionally available.

3. Listen and Learn

Make sure that when your kid does finally decide to open the door to their thoughts that you are listening and not preparing a response or a solution to a proposed problem.   

Teens get discouraged from talking about their concerns because they don’t feel heard. When someone is recounting a story or a situation, listen for emotion behind the story and watch your teen’s body language. 

4. Wait for the Invitation

After your teen has allowed you in, do not give advice or lecture. You will be kicked out of their internal world and may not be invited back for a long time.

Let them work through the problem. Wait to be invited to help come up with the solution. If you aren’t invited, don’t barge in.

5. Keep Calm

Although it might seem obvious, angry outbursts, crying, screaming, and ranting do not keep communication going. Whether your teen is admitting to making a poor choice, or telling you about the bully who acted out at school, or that they have a crush on the neighbor girl: keep collected and calm.  

Don’t panic. Your demeanor will speak more than your words.

Conclusion

The most important aspect of this dialogue is that you love your child enough to spend time seeking out a blog on how to know them better.  If you feel like your previous attempts at unlocking your teen have mimicked the aggression of strapping a pack of dynamite to a door, give yourself some grace and start anew today.  Chances are with patience and respectful listening, you will earn the ability to see the crown jewels of your kid’s heart.